I once had a guy tell me that I was ugly and that the sight of my body literally disgusted him to the point where he was physically ill. He went through every single body part of mine and told me what was “wrong” with it. And this was after he begged me to sleep with him and I turned him down. Apparently now he’s going around telling people that I slept with him anyway. Fucker.
(submitted by anonymous)
"It’s the disconnect of being trained since birth to look a certain way, only to have dudes turn around and go, “Don’t you know we hate all that stuff on your face?” Like it was our idea! Like women collectively woke up one day and thought, “Wouldn’t it be awesome to slap a bunch of chemicals and dyes on our faces every morning from now on?”
We’ve got a multi-billion dollar industry doing their best to remind us daily that we need what they’re selling, so don’t act all befuddled about where we got the idea that we looked better this way. Plus, it’s not like men don’t still expect us to look beautiful. They just don’t want us cheating with cosmetics. Hope your face is naturally flawless!
And while we’re talking, don’t you ladies know how annoying it is that you’re all hung up on your weight? Sure, we expect you to have a great body. But don’t be one of those lame girls who orders salads on a date. We like to see you eat!
Most of the time, when men say they prefer “natural beauty,” they don’t mean that they’re ready for us to start leaving the house the way we roll out of bed in the morning. They mean that they want us to look perfect without appearing to try.
Basically, it’s a trap."
- it’s bullshit disingenuous rejection of responsibility for patriarchal beauty standards
- it hides yet another performance standard: never let us SEE what we are doing to you
- it shows contempt for effort. people are not supposed to try at anything, you’re supposed to be a gifted special snowflake
- and admitting that femininity is effort means fundamentally undercutting the idea that women are flighty and trivial and weak
- and it makes - OF COURSE - the whole thing about dude’s boners, and not the way there are social and financial consequences for not being a little made-up
- and it is so hostile to the idea of self-expression? someone who wears bright red lipstick does not think that people will actually assume their lips REALLY ARE bright red, any more than we assume a dude who shaves his face is naturally hairless, or think that a person wearing a blue shirt actually has blue arms. sometimes we make aesthetic choices to communicate with the world.
- which in and of itself depends on women as fundamentally underhanded. of course even the way we present ourselves is a bald-faced lie
basically it is a Gross Things About The Patriarchy 101 midterm all rolled up into one passive-aggressive bid for a pat on the back over some Nice Guy’s “enlightenment”
Eventually, we all must deal with death and loss – yet it’s something that we get so little preparation for. Hence, the eight steps below are designed to assist a young person or an adult who’s journeying through loss.
1. Find someone whom you trust that you can share your feelings with – and be real about the pain and different battles that you face. It’s crucial that you don’t just keep your feelings to yourself as you’ll find that they resurface - and they won’t just go away.
2. Share with others who have also walked the road of grief and loss. Although each person’s journey is different and unique, it often helps to listen to others who’ve faced loss. You’ll learn from their experience and what they did to cope.
3. Take time away from sadness - and try to focus on some happy, funny memories of good times you once shared. Be thankful for these memories – but also take the time to consider and be grateful for what you have today. (Note: Distraction is important as you can’t just live with pain.)
4. Allow yourself to cry and to express the way you feel. It’s normal and it’s healthy when dealing with a loss. It usually brings relief and it can help us process pain … and releasing strong emotions can help us to move on.
(Note: If you find it hard to cry, express yourself in other ways - through painting, music or, perhaps, through journaling.)
5. Try and do what you can to establish new routines. When a loved one dies, life can never be the same. But changing old routines can help us start over again – and build a different future, without that person there.
6. Build time for self-care into your daily routine. Set aside 20 minutes to relax and unwind … You could listen to some music, or take a bubble bath. It’s important that you nurture and take care of yourself, and you do what is needed to reduce excessive stress.
7. Recognise that there are likely to be other losses, too. You need to mourn for them as well - as they contribute to your pain.
8. Be patient, understanding and gentle with yourself. The road you walk through grief is unpredictable and hard. You’re on a roller coaster that’s always changing course. But things will change in time – and you will learn to smile again.
"Women are afraid of meeting a serial killer. Men are afraid of meeting someone fat."
When Strangers Click, a 2011 documentary about online dating.
It reminds me of that famous Margaret Atwood quote: “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.” It also reminds me of something written by one of the mods of Sex Worker Problems: “Misandry irritates. Misogyny kills.”
I mean, it’s just true.
“Misandry irritates. Misogyny kills.”
That’s it. That’s it right there.
And being a fat woman means you are afraid of meeting a serial killer and someone who is afraid of meeting someone with your body. The intersections of sexism and fat phobia.