knowing he’s online, even though we are not speaking, still gives me butterflies and nervous feelings in my stomach. Seriously, how old am I? 10?

You are going thru a tough time. I know this. We haven’t spoken in almost a week. I am trying to be happy and not miserable. I hear you are worried about me and you love me. You still think and feel everything you’ve told me before. But this silence is absolutely breaking my heart. I have to now hide on different accounts to post my feelings because I am trying to post happy shit on my blogs you check. I am done being a crying basketcase. I can’t let myself do that. I love you. I truly do, but I need to know something from you. I need to know if there is hope here or if I need to move on. I can’t go on holding onto hope, where there is no hope. I did that for to long in another relationship, I can’t let myself do it again. I am too old for that bullshit again. If it’s over. It needs to be over and I need to stop looking at your blogs and for any inkling of you anywhere. I need to leave you in the past and move on to the future. I don’t want to do this. I want YOU. You are the only person I want. I want you… all of you. Your flaws, your issues, everything about you. I accept you as a non perfect human but you need to accept my flaws also. You need to realize that yes I do have flaws and accept me in spite of them like I have you. Yes, I am insecure…. that is due to my dysfunctional relationship with my stupid ex. The effects of that are long lasting. I never doubted your love. I still do not doubt or question it. 
I want to be with you so bad that I’ve sat and thought about leaving everything I have ever known just to be with you. My family, my town, everything familiar and comfortable to me. I have thought about leaving it all behind just for you…. that is HUGE for me. Relocating has NEVER been on the table with anyone… you’ve made me rethink all of that.

You are going thru a tough time. I know this. We haven’t spoken in almost a week. I am trying to be happy and not miserable. I hear you are worried about me and you love me. You still think and feel everything you’ve told me before. But this silence is absolutely breaking my heart. I have to now hide on different accounts to post my feelings because I am trying to post happy shit on my blogs you check. I am done being a crying basketcase. I can’t let myself do that. I love you. I truly do, but I need to know something from you. I need to know if there is hope here or if I need to move on. I can’t go on holding onto hope, where there is no hope. I did that for to long in another relationship, I can’t let myself do it again. I am too old for that bullshit again. If it’s over. It needs to be over and I need to stop looking at your blogs and for any inkling of you anywhere. I need to leave you in the past and move on to the future. I don’t want to do this. I want YOU. You are the only person I want. I want you… all of you. Your flaws, your issues, everything about you. I accept you as a non perfect human but you need to accept my flaws also. You need to realize that yes I do have flaws and accept me in spite of them like I have you. Yes, I am insecure…. that is due to my dysfunctional relationship with my stupid ex. The effects of that are long lasting. I never doubted your love. I still do not doubt or question it. 

I want to be with you so bad that I’ve sat and thought about leaving everything I have ever known just to be with you. My family, my town, everything familiar and comfortable to me. I have thought about leaving it all behind just for you…. that is HUGE for me. Relocating has NEVER been on the table with anyone… you’ve made me rethink all of that.

(via fuckyeahmeredithandderek)

you know what really sucks… to be so sad and heartbroken and having no one to talk about it with.

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